I am writing to you about your piece-of-crap, biblical-epic-length, receipts. Knock it off.
Your idiotic itemization of the things I purchase is pointless and psychotic. Who really cares to have a subtotal of what they spent on “frozen food” vs. “hot foods” vs. “candy” vs. “household items.” How do you even decide what is a household item. I took it ALL home. Isn’t all of it household items?
Your receipt says “CRAZY ABOUT FOOD.” You got the crazy part right. Crazy about bookkeeping I’d say. I don’t need a subtotal for pet food, or bakery, or meat. And my favorite is the section labeled “Grocery”. What the hell is the rest of it? Auto parts? And there’s a friggin’ section marked “cheese shop.” Are you kidding? Where’s the friggin’ cheese shop? Are there little chairs and little British man named Wallace who can tell me all about the origins of the little cheeses? Are there free samples and wine? Little cutting boards and special knives?
What I REALLY want and NEED to know, when I’m balancing the checkbook, is the TOTAL. You know, total DOLLARS. Not total number of items purchased. I couldn’t care less about that. That’s just something you want to keep track of so you can get a pat on your back from headquarters because your store sold more than the one in Skowhegan.
Instead, the dollar total is buried in fine print, not even set out or boldfaced for quick reference. It is buried in obscurity, not even at the END of the receipt, where one would rationally locate the total. No, you’ve managed to come up with a bunch more useless crap to put there. Like my “Savings Summary.” Are you serious? Savings? I JUST SPENT $262.64! That’s no savings. I don’t go to the store to save. If I want to save, I stay home in the dark and eat old shoe leather.
And what the heck is the “Ref #” and the “Resp #” ? Have you ever Ref’d those in your life? And why after my Savings Summary is there a separate heading, “Today’s Total Savings”. Have you ever given someone YESTERDAY’S total savings?
GET ALL THE CRAP OFF MY RECEIPT. IT SHOULD NOT BE FIVE FEET LONG. It is bad for the environment to be wasting linear miles of paper. And all the chemicals necessary to print that much ink. And the undue wear and tear on your registers is not profitable. My wife’s purse is stuffed like a friggin’ garbage sack and the basket of receipts looks like a big ‘ol paper monster came along and barfed in it.
Look, if I want a good book, I’ll go to Barnes & Noble. I don’t have time to read right now anyway because I’m staying up all night trying to find the totals on your stupid receipts. I want two simple columns. Left – stuff. Right - $. ONE total at the end in BOLD. With the date to the left of it.
Please improve my shopping experience.